dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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