i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
