I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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