I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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