I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
