Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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