Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
