Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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