Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
