we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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