Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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