So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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