How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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