Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
