She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
