Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
