you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
