My liver just broke up with me...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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