i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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