There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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