he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize