yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
