I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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