yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
