Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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