Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
