She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
