Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
