Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
