And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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