I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
