The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
