I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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