I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
