I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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