1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
