Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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