my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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