he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
