we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
