i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
