I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
