Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we have officially lost it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
