my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
