so explain again why im purple
no
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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