How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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