I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
