i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
