dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
