Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
