My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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