and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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