i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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