theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
