I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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