we made out on top of his cat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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