Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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