You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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