good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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