all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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