You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
