I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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