he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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