I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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