I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and she was petting her beer can
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
