fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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