is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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