i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
