weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
