I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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