Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
